Conversational Tactics - An Oppo Guide

"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive) 12/17/2013 at 20:06 • Filed to: None

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It's not a revelation to anyone who knows me that I have issues with posting on the Front Page. It's also no revelation to anyone who knows me that I do it anyway, that I have a very difficult time not correcting the inaccurate or flaming the trollish. It's a character flaw and it's one I'm working on.

It's also no surprise to anyone that my mood, from day to day, may affect the tone of my replies or posts. That's pretty human, I think, and as long as I can recognize when I'm doing that and learn from it then that's being a decent human.

So, yeah... when I'm wrong or abusive and someone calls me on it, I'll stand up and be counted for it. I'm man enough (pardon the sexism, ladies and gents) to admit when I'm wrong and when it comes from a fellow Opponaut I take that pretty seriously.

Why? Because I love you guys. You've probably seen my posts shamelessly praising Oppo for being a paragon, a paradigm of excellence, in terms of online communities. We're pretty much free of the intense flame wars that other communities contend with. Our troll count is notoriously low and either very obvious or just sarcastic. I love Oppo which means I love you because "you" are what make Oppo great.

The point is, I'm human and I rely on my friends to help me better myself.

That's why I'm typing this up, just now, because what I've realized is that sometimes, despite my best efforts, I end up engaging a fellow Opponaut on the FP and that, dear friends, is more embarrassing than being called out and defeated by a troll.

Let's begin:

Posting On Jalopnik - The Rules For Opponauts (W5 and H)

1.) Ask yourself, "What am I replying to?"

We tend to reply to one or two key points, no matter the breadth of the argument. It's human. Someone says that social systems are a good idea but black people shouldn't get any and we're all over the latter part. The net result is that we get drawn into an intractable debate because we're not looking at all the issues. Examine the entire article with an open mind as it will often save you getting into an argument with a troll, or an idiot.

2.) Ask yourself, "Who am I replying to?"

On the FP it's waaaaay too easy to respond to a comment and not the person making the comment. In this manner I've found myself in a war of words with folks I'd never normally engage because, even if I have a different point of view, we have more in common than we do different. Taking that extra moment to attach that user name to a personality can save you an endless mountain of headache - the kind that'll plague you for ages.

3.) Ask yourself, "Where am I replying?"

Replies to FP articles tend to be more virulent and riddled with vitriol than those on Oppo. If you're a FP troll and you're responding to an Oppo article that made the FP, you're going to catch a lot of mob mentality from us Opponauts for attacking one of our own. If you're an Opponaut replying to a FP article you're going to get a lot more negative and not just contrary opinions because the FP attracts trolls from all across Gawker. Scroll up, and if you see anything other then Oppo or Jalopnik on the left, run for the hills because you're probably on Jezebel! You get the idea.

4.) Ask yourself, "When am I making this reply?"

Is the article eleventy billion pages back? It's probably done. Don't beat a dead horse. Is it noon Central Standard Time? If so, you're going to see a whole lot more in terms of views, replies and promotions as that's when traffic tends to be at its peak. Don't be surprised if you're making a post at 4pm in Mongolia and no one is seeing it; most of our membership is spread across North America, South America and Europe with a number of crazies hanging on to the bottom of the planet in Australia. If you want to sneak something in, or blow something up, just know when you'll get the desired result.

5.) Ask yourself, "Why am I making this reply?"

No, seriously, ask yourself; why? Look, it's in at #5 but it's by far the most important of all. The why means everything. If the why is anything other than altruistic, don't bother. Look, I know how tempting it can be to destroy a douchetastic buttbender but let's remind ourselves what happens when we engage with idiots - there's no need to lower ourselves to their level. Ever. However, and this is a killer caveat, if the why comes back, "because fuck you." Well, that can sometimes be the best reason to reply. If zero fucks are given, there are zero fucks to care about. I don't advocate this tactic, but it can be a blast sometimes.

6.) Ask yourself, "How am I making this reply?"

Because if it's on your smartphone, you're going to want to break that stupid thing typing out long winded, long worded replies. Then you're making spelling errors, leaving out important ideas and generally doing yourself a disservice. The how can also be extended to your tone, your use of CAPS or italics or even bold and underlined things. The "how" of your post may not seem important at the time, but trust me when I say that you should wear sunscreen. No, wait... Trust me when I say that the "how" is almost as important as the "why".

Most of these guidelines can be applied to posting on Oppo, too but let's be honest; either you already know these things and abide by them or you're a troll from the depths of Gawker stumbling onto a cross-linked post in which case there's no hope for you anyway.

My point is, we're all part of the Oppo family and it's that family which makes the difference at Oppo. And that we're not a small family either. We can look out for one another, support one another and call one another out when our bullshit begins to stink.

I firmly believe that the only problem with society today is that we don't expect enough of ourselves. We don't expect one another to look out for one another and we're always surprised and drawn to tears when it happens but you should trust me when I say that it's not supposed to be like that, we're supposed to give a fuck and we're supposed to expect things of ourselves, and one another, which we're slowly allowing to fall by the side of the road.

I firmly believe that Oppo is the greatest community of enthusiasts and that it's full of humans and I also firmly believe that no matter the nobility of our aspirations we're always going to hit speedbumps but that it is our tenacity and ability to take things in stride which will see us through.

Blah blah blah.

Thank you for listening, Oppo.

PS. I've interspersed some of my pictures of cars to keep you entertained!

Victorious Secret > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:10

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One of the few times I've actually read everything on an article posted here. Because it was worth reading.

MoparKetchup > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:12

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Great post sir.

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:13

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Not enough pictures.

Too many wordy bits.

Kidding, good post.

Lets Just Drive > Victorious Secret 12/17/2013 at 20:13

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Thank you.

Lets Just Drive > MoparKetchup 12/17/2013 at 20:14

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A Colbert and a Stewart?

My flattery organ is swollen!

Lets Just Drive > Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT 12/17/2013 at 20:15

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Thanks.

I figured it wasn't car enough, so I car'd it up with cars.

Sometimes, even non-car things about car things aren't car.

PRBot II > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:16

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I'm reminded of this .gif

Quality post, good sir!

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:16

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You managed to keep my attention through most of it.

At the last two images you lost me, because A.D.D. and the images were of cars that don't interest me haha

I skimmed most of it though.

Definitely worth it for those that venture to the front page.

Victorious Secret > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:18

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Didn't disagree with anything, because its all so relevant and understandable.

Its what makes this place great.

MoparKetchup > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:19

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I hope that organ can bear all the flattery.

Lets Just Drive > PRBot II 12/17/2013 at 20:19

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Love this gif.

Love you.

Hug hug.

Kiss kiss.

Don't tell anyone. It's our secret.

TurboSloth > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:19

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t Why? Because I love you guys.

Just kidding. Sort of. I'm giving you a thumbs up right now. Like I'm physically giving a thumbs up to my computer screen.

Lets Just Drive > Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT 12/17/2013 at 20:20

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I'll never be able to swear off the FP because Jalopnik has some excellent contributors at present even if there's sometimes a very clear hipster slant - can't help it when your journalists are mostly young guys willing to work for little or no money.

Hey, isn't Wert like some rich asshole now? Because I think that's a rumor we should spread.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:21

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For the Who? part.

Lets Just Drive > Victorious Secret 12/17/2013 at 20:22

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Also, the fact that Oppo evolved from Off Topic which means we are more connected on more levels than the majority of the Jalops these days.

There aren't many Jalops who know that I drive a Mustang, work in private security and just had my first daughter meanwhile that's pretty common knowledge among Oppo's.

JustWaitingForAMate > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:22

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Like a sir.

Lets Just Drive > MoparKetchup 12/17/2013 at 20:23

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I think I just messed my pants.

PRBot II > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:24

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Smooches!

What happens on Oppo stays on Oppo ;)

Unless it gets shared to the FP, in which case...

Lets Just Drive > TurboSloth 12/17/2013 at 20:24

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I can totally picture you doing that.

And then I imagine those thumbs doing all sorts of wonderful things and I have to catch my breath.

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:24

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Start that now xD

But I just can't go to the front page for some reason now. I venture occasionally like when facebook says something I find interesting.

Victorious Secret > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:26

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Those that have stuck around and haven't entirely been goons, we have a good time and we have a sense of what everyone tends to be like.

We're all weird, whats the fun if we all weren't?

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 20:27

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Thank you. A million times, thank you.

As a kid who played the game, watched the movie and grew up every time I see this image it makes me smile inside.

KB Garage > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:28

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Informative and entertaining. Thank you, sir. Great write up.

throws phone across room because typos

Lets Just Drive > JustWaitingForAMate 12/17/2013 at 20:29

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I tried to bring a top hat, glass of brandy and a monocle to bed once and my wife was like, "Nope."

Such sexy time.

The feels.

Much masturbate.

Lets Just Drive > PRBot II 12/17/2013 at 20:30

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Ha!

Loved it.

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:31

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The pictures helped. Great article, the why are you posting is particularly important.

Now for me being a dick: If it's 4pm in Mongolia and you post, it will be 6am Central Standard Time, so therefore, you will hit the morning crew. Great posting time.

Cheers bud!

JustWaitingForAMate > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:32

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'My dearest lady, prepare yourself for a vigorous bout of sexual intercourse!'

I did wear a top hat to bed once. Wasn't on my head though.

Lets Just Drive > Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT 12/17/2013 at 20:32

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Did you hear that Wert is paying advertisers to generate FP traffic because he's so rich and even though he's not involved with Jalopnik any more he's making like a million dollars a year off of our backs?

That Wert.

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:33

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Wow. That crazy bastard.

He must have something in with Jalopnik still.

Crazy guy. We need to spread this. Tell all the opponauts!

Lets Just Drive > Victorious Secret 12/17/2013 at 20:35

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Truth!

That said, I think someone needed to give Alex and Bandit a spanking and wash their mouths out with soap for the mess they started the other day, but done with love and care because they're Alex and Bandit.

Lets Just Drive > KB Garage 12/17/2013 at 20:35

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See, now if you'd just read my rules your phone wouldn't be broken and you could see this reply.

Tisk Tisk Tisk.

Lets Just Drive > thebigbossyboss 12/17/2013 at 20:37

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It's the only time I can get a wireless signal from my modem-yak. You don't know what it's like living in Upper Mongolia. The internet is yak based, just like everything. Yak yak yak.

Lets Just Drive > JustWaitingForAMate 12/17/2013 at 20:37

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Dayum.

Just... dayum!

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:38

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HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:39

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I'm lucky because I got to see it on a very big screen at a theater when they did the one night only re-release of it. We sat in the front section and Sam Jackson yelling at that close was an awesome experience.

Lets Just Drive > Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT 12/17/2013 at 20:39

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Shared to Oppo.

Start all the rumors!

Did you know that Wert went to Panama for sexual reassignment surgery and that they messed it up and so now Wert has to have a parenthesis to (his)her name every time (s)he is mentioned?

Victorious Secret > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:40

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See, everytime someone fucks up (and I'm pretty much the poster child for fucking up) you have the moment of "Dude, seriously? GTFO with that shit" but then you realize, its GTFO and come back better. Or don't GTFO, just be better.

One of the least hostile communities overall, even with all the asshats who take pleasure in hiding behind the anonymous internet to take potshots every now and then, but honestly this is the best place there is for me personally to spend time.

I mean, there is reddit. But I have to draw a line somewhere.

Lets Just Drive > thebigbossyboss 12/17/2013 at 20:40

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We have quite the automotive scene up here. I once drove a 150YP YakaYakYak.

That's yak power, btw.

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:41

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I heard (s)he is so ashamed that (s)he won't show his(her) face around Oppo ever again!

And (s)he is recovering from the Surgery in the Bahamas where (s)he is waited on by everyone there for being so rich. Bill Gates is even a Servant to him(her)!

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:43

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It must have had a yak block heater. current conditions in Ullanbaatar (capital city of Mongolia...) -29c!!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 20:43

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Well think about this - Orlove can probably write his misadventures in his baja bug off on his taxes as a business expense since he writes about it so much. Maybe he comes off as a hipster, but I bet secretly most of the jalop writers know a thing or two about business.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 20:55

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Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Lets Just Drive > Victorious Secret 12/17/2013 at 20:57

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Tired of Reddit trolls? Try Tumblr.

Tired of Tumblr trolls? Try Imgur.

Tired of Imgur Trolls? Really man, toughen up cowboy!

Lets Just Drive > thebigbossyboss 12/17/2013 at 20:59

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Suntan weather.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 21:02

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Speaking of great lines, there are many lols to be had reading this thread.
http://jalopnik.com/yes-but-zipcar…
I urge you to refrain from commenting, because follow the guidelines. But, man is there a lot of fuckery going on there.

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 21:02

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This had me in hysterics. I am tryna work here. Jeez.

Lets Just Drive > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 12/17/2013 at 21:03

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There's a big difference between being a hipster and having a hipster bent. Typically, if someone calls you a hipster, you're a hipster. But if you happen to like something hip yet no one thinks of you as a hipster, that's a hipster bent.

Besides, Spinelli is clearly the biggest hipster of all! Or maybe Haribro.

Of course, I'm only kidding. Spinelli is way to much of a nerd to be a true hipster and Hardigree admits his hipsterisms which totally disqualifies him as a hipster.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 21:04

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The goggles, they do nothing!

Lets Just Drive > thebigbossyboss 12/17/2013 at 21:05

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That's what I told her but she didn't like the idea of my referring to sex as "... tryna work here."

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 21:06

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I've been reprimanded before for calling him a troll on Oppo proper, but gotdam. Seriously, why is he on jalopnik?

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 21:11

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Eh, toby's alright even if he likes the devils advocate thing a lot.

This was my reply:

I dunno how many times I've said it on Oppo and Jalop but the only good Prius is a Prius about which you give zero fucks. Even a horrible car becomes a car car when you give it zero fucks of care or concern. Door dings? Fuck it. Oil changes? Ha, never. Wheel balance? Why bother when it's more fun wobbling around on those shitty tires anyway? The only good Prius is a zero fucks Prius.

So you're wrong; it's not the worst car because you don't like it. It's the best car because you give zero fucks about it.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 21:15

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He's jumped up my shit before with a lot of terrible comments and just stupid info, so he is my enemy. We all need enemies, even if we try to be nice to all people.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 21:21

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How about "adversary" instead of enemy? Enemies are dangerous. Adversaries and rivals bring out the best and the worst in us but usually without the venom that an enemy brings to the fight.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 12/17/2013 at 21:25

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I am justice.

I am fear.

I am darkness.

I am the night.

I AM BATMAN!

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/17/2013 at 21:27

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This is what just came to my mind:

"This isn't the reply you deserve but it's the reply you need."

willkinton247 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/18/2013 at 14:26

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This is one of my favorite pictures in all of the internet.

puddler > Lets Just Drive 02/28/2014 at 00:34

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